How Do You Think I Feel
by Strange Music
Summary: We dream our hopes and hope in our dreams. And sometimes in between we live them..Murdock has a talk with someone about something that has been overdue for some time.


Warning: This Story includes the romantic relationship between   
two men. If that is not your cup of coffee. Please do not read it.   
  
Titel: How Do You Think I Feel   
Author: Strange Music   
Date: 21 September   
Pairing: male/male ;)  
Rating: PG There is no more than a kiss   
Summary: We dream our hopes and hope in   
our dreams. And sometimes in between we live them..   
Email:   
Series/Sequel: A definite nooo! If you wonder read it ;)   
Web Page: http://www.zyworld.com/Strange_music/   
http://home.germany.net/100-164832/Slash/Slash.html  
  
Big thanks to my wonderful Beta Reader Charlotte! And you   
might want to thanks her too. She spared you a lot of stupid   
mistakes.  
  
As always....no flames....but feedback would be verrrrrry much   
appreaciated   
it. And BTW telling me that I am insane and crazy for writting   
this is not   
flame but a compliment ;)  
  
All remaining mistakes are mine and mine alone.   
  
How Do You Think I Feel   
By Strange Music-;   
  
He looked down at the man lying in front of him.   
  
How long they had known each other?   
  
Many years and still there was so much unsaid between them.   
And never before   
he had seen this like today. They had saved each other's life,   
knew each   
others secrets, yet there was still a part that seemed to prevent   
them from   
actually talking with each other. About a certain problem that   
lay between   
them. Known only to them both. Not to the rest of the Team,   
that was   
blissfully unaware of the trouble that Murdock seemed to be in.   
  
"So, why did you come here today?"   
  
A smile a shrug and those brown eyes that once upon a time   
convinced him   
that there was more to this man then they told him. That the   
others   
rumoured. The eyes were laughing now. And in a way he was   
proud that it was   
at least partly his accomplishment.   
  
A twinkle. "Was having a holiday and thought of visiting you."   
followed by   
a theatrical pout. "However if you don't want to see me..   
Throwing out the   
Mad Man."   
  
He turned around. But didn't go to the door quickly, showing   
how much of   
this was only show.   
  
"You can't fool me Murdock. You never could. You might be   
able to fool   
people who don't know you. But never the people close to you...   
They always   
have and will see something more."   
  
This time when Murdock turned around his expression had   
changed. "And what   
is it that you see ?"   
  
"They see a person who has been through too much in his life."   
  
There was a frown on Murdock's face that wasn't played   
anymore. And without   
the jokes and the fool around he asked in a strange strung voice,   
  
"I asked what you see. Not the others. Not my mother, not my   
father. Not the   
rest of the Team. I want to know it from you!"   
  
"I see someone I care about, because even in all his troubled life   
he has   
yet not given up trust in people. A man that with all the horror   
he has   
seen still is able to see the beauty life has given us as if through   
the   
eyes of a kid. And a man that despite all the betrayal he has felt   
still   
is able to care. It is a man *I* care a lot about."   
The doubt in Murdock's eyes was so clear that he knew the   
question even   
before it had been spoken.   
  
"Do you? Do you really care about me?"   
  
It was so disbelieving as if the words would mean nothing.   
  
"You didn't know?" It was meant to be as a joke. But it came out   
more   
serious that he had wanted it to be.   
  
And the disbelieving look in the other man's eyes was proof   
enough.   
  
"You really didn't know."   
  
He saw Murdock turning his head away, as if to prevent his eyes   
giving away more of his feelings.   
  
"I care a lot about you Murdock. More than I should considering   
the   
situation we are in."   
  
A slight smile appeared on the one half of the mouth that he   
could see, it   
was sarcastic and in a way not even a smile when he started to   
shake his   
head. "I have been in a situation for as long as I can remember.   
My life   
always was full of situation, if I let them rule my life it would be   
even   
more out of control as it already is."   
  
"So what you are saying is?"   
  
Murdock turned back, the twinkle back.. he was playing but yet   
serious   
enough for the situation. "Well tell me. That's what you have   
been doing for   
so long. Aren't you supposed to know what I am thinking?"   
  
Brown eyes locked with his.   
  
"Maybe I am not sure. Maybe I would like to know what we are   
talking about   
before I say anything." He felt unsure if it was even the same   
subject   
that they were talking about. There was too much to lose to risk   
it in an   
uncertainty. He had lived with this love for so long without it   
being   
repeated that he could live for a lot longer. All do's and don'ts   
kept   
swirling through his head, making the answer uncertain. Too   
little time   
and too much to lose.   
  
But before he could make up his mind he felt the other man's   
lips touch   
briefly with his. No more than mere air that breathed them. Too   
little to   
actually call it a kiss, but too much to see it as a slip.   
  
Again those souldeep brown eyes looked at him for an answer,   
like they had   
so many times before. Waiting for his answer   
  
And suddenly all thoughts went out of the window. The ones   
that told him   
that he might be making a mistake. The ones that told him that   
he shouldn't   
do this. They were all silenced as he answered the unspoken   
question by   
leaning forward ad capturing these wonderful lips in a kiss.   
Deep and   
reassuring of the feeling that he couldn't yet say in words.   
  
"I love you Murdock" he whispered when they stopped. "I have   
for a long   
time."   
  
There was so much still unsaid and unknown. But the first step   
was down. And   
so others would follow. In their time when they would be ready.   
  
Lips red, eyes watching a smile on his lips Murdock only   
winked.   
  
"And here I thought you put up with me because I gave you a   
secure   
job."   
  
A slight shake of his head.   
  
"You are one of a kind Murdock. Did I ever tell you that?"   
  
"All the time Doc...and I am really grateful for the compliment."   
Relieved and happy for the first time in a long while Dr. Richter   
simply   
lay his head back and broke into laughter.   
  
Everything would be all right.   
  
The End!!!!!!!!!  
  
Okay..callm down.do NOT kill the writer.just couldn't slip that   
change when   
it appeared in my head.  
  



End file.
